By Dr Alan Bowman, Clinical Director
Trigger warning: abuse, neglect, trauma
If you are a living, breathing human being, you will have trusted, and you will have had your trust betrayed. Trust is responsible for our greatest triumphs and most rewarding relationships. It can also, when violated, be the match that lights the fuse on anger, fear, doubt, and despair. Trust is so important that we made it the namesake of our organisation. That’s why, in our inaugural blog post, I’ll be taking a deeper look at what trust actually is, why we need it, and how we earn it.
What is trust?
Dictionary definitions of trust commonly emphasise the qualities of hope, confidence, integrity, reliability, and honesty. If you take a moment to stare into the well of scholarly research (deep breath!), it quickly becomes apparent that different disciplines define trust in diverse ways. To some, trust is a personal trait (e.g., a person that is trustworthy in character), whilst to others it is a behaviour (e.g., being able to say what you do and do what you say). Some regard trust as a social system (e.g., trust that our social institutions will work to keep us safe and well), and others emphasise trust as a set of beliefs or a mindset (e.g., “I am confident that this person can be trusted”). Some efforts have been made to pull all of this together (see this paper1 if you want to take a closer look), with the headline being that trust is not just one thing – it is all of the above and more.
I tend to agree. Trust is a recipe with several ingredients. To trust, we must demonstrate certain personal qualities and values, as well as observe them in others. We earn trust by behaving in trustworthy ways, and we may get a read of a person’s own trustworthiness by how they act. In order to fully trust another, we need to be open to ways of thinking and viewing the world that enable us to put our faith in one another. We can build trust into our relationships, habits, systems, jobs, decisions, organisations, and into society more broadly.
All of these facets of trust share a common thread. Trust is in many ways a leap that comes with some degree of uncertainty; it is a position that can make us feel vulnerable. This is why trust can only occur when we feel safe. Without safety, there is no trust.
Why is trust so important?
Trust initially posed a dilemma to evolutionary theorists – if the human race is all about survival of the fittest, how does this fit with working with and depending on others? It turns out, through mutual trust and cooperation, we tend to do much better as a species. We can pool our resources, keep each other safe, and take on challenges that we could not deal with on our own2. We are stronger as a collective group.
From the day we are born, we are left with no option but to trust that our caregivers will keep us safe, fed, and warm. Indeed, through the lens of attachment theory, if our caregivers are attuned to our needs and respond accordingly, we develop an inner representation of the world that enables us to feel safe, explore the world, and trust people3. The importance of trust therefore begins from day one.
Of course, the challenging reality is that our trust is not always reciprocated, and we may have lived through painful experiences of betrayal, deceit, neglect, or abusive mistreatment that we simply cannot escape. Current estimates of Adverse Childhood Experiences (ACES) suggest that at least half of children in the UK have lived through neglectful or abusive circumstances4, and this is likely to be an underestimate due to the fact that not all cases may be reported.
Such experiences can be incredibly frightening, infuriating, confusing (to say the least) and leave an impression on us long into our adult lives. Indeed, there is evidence to suggest that the impact of significant violations or betrayals early in life (“betrayal trauma”) tend to make us less trusting and less able to accurately make judgements about who to trust in the future5. This can, in turn, make it very difficult to navigate relationships, make decisions, cope with challenges, and live the life we want.
How do we trust?
Trust (or lack of) is a common issue that many people seek support for when considering psychological therapy. “I find it hard to trust others” or “how can I learn to trust again?” are statements I commonly hear in the work that I do. Trust is ultimately a leap of faith. We can never predict with perfect certainty how another person will perform or act, and this can feel like a vulnerable position, particularly if we have been hurt or betrayed in the past. We can, however, narrow the uncertainty gap and exercise deliberate, intentional, and considered thought when making choices about who we place our trust in.
A very useful starting point that I have learned from the excellent Russ Harris6 is to pause and reflect carefully on whether you are putting your trust into someone blindly, or mindfully.
Harris explains that blind trust is the act of placing our faith in someone without taking the time to reflect on whether that person is deserving of our trusting behaviour. In contrast, mindful trust is a slowed-down, more considered approach to deciding who or when to trust, based on a careful consideration of whether they have earned it.
To determine if someone is likely to be deserving of our trust, Harris suggests we consider the extent to which they have demonstrated the following qualities:
Nobody is perfect, and it would be unrealistic to expect a person to be all of these things 100% of the time. We are all human. However, being aware of these qualities, and giving people the chance to demonstrate them, can provide useful information about whether to trust someone or not, so that when we decide to make that leap, we do so purposefully and intentionally. In other words, trust becomes a considered choice.
It is also completely valid, understandable, and normal, for even this approach to feel like a challenge for many people. This is particularly the case if you have experienced significant trauma in life and limited opportunities to feel safe around others. In this case, learning new ways to create a felt sense of safety may be an important first step.
In either case, many individuals seek psychological therapy (e.g., from a Clinical Psychologist) to help them navigate some of these things. Doing so is an act of trust in and of itself. A sensitive and skilled therapist will work to earn trust by carefully listening, creating safety, and demonstrating the qualities discussed above.
Conclusion
If you haven’t guessed it yet, we are big on trust. It is one of the essential qualities of a good enough life and a good enough world and it comes in many forms. Making the decision to place our trust in others can lead to great things but is often made very difficult to do if we have been betrayed or hurt. There is a way forward. It begins with creating safety, and then mindfully considering whether someone has earned our trust.
At Trust Psychology and Trust Pain Management, we work hard to embody these ideas as we believe they are so important. We hope you will see them in everything we do. Whether you are an individual seeking psychological therapy, a care professional looking to source support for a client (we offer psychological therapy and specialist multidisciplinary pain management), or a potential collaborator who is simply interested in what we do, please reach out and speak to us, and let us earn your trust.
References
1McKnight, D.H., & Chervany, N.L. (2000). What is trust? A conceptual analysis and interdisciplinary model. AMCIS 2000 Proceedings, 382.
2Apicella, C.L., & Silk, J.B. (2019). The Evolution of human cooperation. Current Biology, 29(11), R447-R450. DOI: https://doi.org/10.1016/j.cub.2019.03.036
3Rotenberg, K.J. (2018). The Psychology of Trust. United Kingdom: Taylor & Francis.
4Asmussen, K., Fischer, F., Drayton, E., & McBride, T. (2020). Adverse Childhood Experiences: What We Know, What We Don’t Know, and What Should Happen Next. United Kingdom: Early Intervention Foundation (ELF).
5Gobin, R.L., & Freyd, J.J. (2014). The impact of betrayal trauma on the tendency to trust. Psychological Trauma: Theory, Research, Practice, and Policy, 6(5), 505-511.
6Harris, R. (2017). Rebuilding Trust.
